By M.Rajini
What started as the easiest job in the world and happened as naturally as breathing, has become the greatest challenge of our times, especially for women, – Parenting. It was a pleasure to see children in the yesteryears grow up amidst so many elders and young ones in the family. There was always an elder to instil values in them, one to discipline, another aunt to show affection like a mother, several cousins, of which some were irritants and hence built tolerance in the children, some to guide them in their various school projects, and always someone in the family to escort them on short trips away from home. Added to that the mother was there to pour love and care for their health and hunger. To top it all there were always a couple of breadwinners who held the fort and managed the finances.
The scenario now is that all these functions are carried out by parents and in a few unfortunate cases, a single parent. Adyar Times decided to meet several moms to throw light on their style of handling the myriad problems they face. An amazingly interesting conversation ensued. The excerpts follow…..
Amritha, of Gandhi Nagar, is the mother of 2 – Aarna (in her teens) and Madhav. Sudha Gopal is the mother of Amritha. Sudha Gopal (born in the late 50’s) remembers pleasant times she spent with her daughter over the years. “The best time I had with Amritha was when we were looking out for her. She prepared her own honest content to post in Matrimony. One particular boy’s resume was just a copy-paste of hers with just the gender change. How we laughed at that!! I had once told her (she was 6) to answer a call and tell the person I was not home. She did, but later asked me why you asked her to tell a lie. It struck me then that we have to ‘Lead by example.’
When she was a teenager of course I did face some anxiety. I was brought up in a conventional household, where I was asked to wear a half saree, instead of my pinafore to school after my eighth std. I threw up a tantrum but nothing worked. I was a little on the chubbier side and commuted by public transport. My parents had made a decision, and I meekly obeyed. (Can we even think of such obedience these days? Even kids choose what they want to wear.) When my daughter was in her teens, it was the chatroom fancy days, and she too shut herself in the room and talked on the sly. She had loads of friends and used to come home late. She was a responsible girl and I trusted her, but I had to face the brunt of all these excesses, from my mother-in-law. More than being anxious about Amrita, I was worried that she should not be caught by my mother-in-law. I had to balance both their attitudes.”
Amritha Badri (born in the 80’s) has very little to complain about her daughter Aarna, except that she is too mature for a 12-year-old. “She seems to be in her own world and rarely focuses on the present. Of course, occasional tantrums and sulking do exist, but that is all a part of growing up. She feels I work too much and I don’t spend time with her. No child who has concern over the parents will do anything to hurt them. I don’t compare her with other kids, but I do bring it up to inspire and motivate her,” admits Amritha. This duo has mastered the art of parenting, I should say. Amritha says that Social media is a strict NO in the house. Sudha’s mantra to her children was, “In my house, you play by my rules.” Having got two pointers, I proceeded to other parents and did a Rapid Fire round. Surprising to see so many facets to Parenting. There is no super formula or mantra. Each parent follows their philosophy and strategy to suit their environment. There is surely a takeaway for readers from their viewpoints.
Dr. Akila Ravikumar
Never hope to be a perfect parent. There’s no standardisation. One prescription does not work for all. Everyone’s situation is different. Accept your limitations and have realistic expectations. Forgive yourself. Share your limitations with your children, whether it be financial or health concerns, your insecurities, job demands etc.Do not keep them in the dark. Many times children rise up to the occasion and surprise you.
Geetha Balaji
Just as we should not compare kids, we cannot view parenting styles on the same plane. There is no greater myth than “Perfect Parenting”. Every kid is different. Set the ground rules and put your foot down. It is ok to be hated by
your kid for the right reasons. You don’t have to keep your kids happy for the wrong reasons.
Gowri Ponnuswamy
Children are to be treasured. They need a gentle breeze of love, affection, and guidance. Handle them like a mud pot brimming with water or a glass bowl with hot soup.
Dr.Jamuna, Shakespeare Club
Dr. Jamuna Kalyani Sridharan, Coordinator of the Shakespeare Millennium Club, born in 1945 has given her take on parenting in the last 100 years. In her words: “Like Alfred Lord Tennyson’s ‘Brook’, ‘Men may come and men may go’, but parenting goes on forever. It is the meandering process of the Brook, down the ages, that one has to focus on. What was parenting in the 1920s, and what is parenting in the 2020s? My grandmother would enforce compliance with just the roll of her eyeball. When she signalled with her eyes, her children understood and obeyed. In the 1940s and 50s, my mother had to use verbal instructions to enforce rules. In the 1960s and 70s, I had to instruct my children and also explain to them why they had to obey. At the turn of the century, my daughter had to not only explain but also listen to the viewpoints of her children and many a time adhere to their point of view. Maybe my grandchildren’s children will be strutting their parents on WhatsApp or other internet apps long distance!!
Meena Ravichandran
I always believe in the saying “The two best gifts we should give our children are WINGS and ROOTS”. WINGS to explore life to realise what they can become, and ROOTS to know where they are from and remember and adhere to family values!
